My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
