Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Randomize