It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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