If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
