It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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