This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
