I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
