Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
