Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
