brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
