Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
