I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
