I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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