i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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