Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
