Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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