"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
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Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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