we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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