Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
