Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Found the puke drawer
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
