actually, I'm a sock model
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
