Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
