My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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