I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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