Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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