Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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