I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
