my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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