I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
