Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
