So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
