She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Success! We fucked roommates!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
