he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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