Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
