and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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