I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
