I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
