After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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