Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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