Got a toothbrush?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
