Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Randomize
