just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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