The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
