if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
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I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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