so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
