dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Thank you for not boning my boss.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
