dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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