I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
