He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
