no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
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I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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