And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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