fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!