OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.