i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.