Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
