hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
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ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.