moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
even my farts smell like vagina
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
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So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?