Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm like, not good at living.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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