she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
