a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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