Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You were trust falling into bushes
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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