So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I understand Curling. That high.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
