I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
