hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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