I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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