she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
