Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
