the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
