you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
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Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How does one acquire holy water?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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