every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
