he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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