i don't like sucking hair
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
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and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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