I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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