Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
