She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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