the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
