You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You dont lie about slip and slides
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I didn't notice because vodka
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
