I wanna bring you to show and tell
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dating After Heartbreak
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.