my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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