Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
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just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
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You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.