I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?