im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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